Why you should never be afraid of change

This period is definitely the time of CHANGE for me. I can say that the past 365 days have been incredibly eventful.

I started last year with deep depression. My Grandma’s sister was battling with cancer…and she lost it on the 21st of January.

It was shocking to us because it started in October 2018. I spent a few weeks at my Grandma’s and it felt like hell. I LOVE my Grandma, she was completely stressed out. Her sister was 5 years younger. I wanted to help them by making veggie juice and introducing healthier recipes but she wasn’t really interested. It was heartbreaking to see her fade away while I had the solution in my hand.

Depression is suppressed anger. And I was angry. Mad at her because she was careless about her health and loved ones. In that time, I was reading books about emotional healing.

Then, when I was reading the book Radical honesty by Brad Blanton, he said that very often in times of losing a loved one, anger can be as much present as sadness. Rationally, it makes no sense to be mad at someone, who dies, yet, it’s real. That person leaves us…and emotions are not always rational.

I was also depressed because I had to come home from America in the autumn and was at home, having no job, and no exact plan B for my life.

I was learning about business, marketing, how to heal yourself…honestly, probably the best part of December 2018 was watching Aquaman in my favorite cinema, ever…then having an XXL family pizza with my friends.

That was the first movie I’ve watched there. The cinema is about 100 years old and it was out of work for decades, before I traveled the U.S., we attended the Night of Museums and realized that it was completely renovated, it was love at first sight.

Side note: after watching the movie, I was wondering why people hadn’t chosen Jason Momoa for the hottest man alive title…

Few pictures are here:

Whatever, so back the sufferings of my soul…I wanted to come back to the UK but I didn’t have any definite plans. I helped out in a local juice fasting camp…Serbia is not the place where you can earn a lot of money, and my Mom tried to talk me out ‘Lilla, you have to gather a LOT of money first!’ ‘You better find a good agency!’ ‘Lilla, the world is dangerous, don’t make too quick decisions…’

But God had different plans for me. I secretly bought a flight ticket and booked an AirBnB and told my parents I would come anyway.

My Mom freaked out. First she told me: You are definitely not thinking about my grandchildren…

I laughed a lot at that...

I learned massage, the nerve massage from my friend before I came. That was a long and tough process.

I was with her almost every day, massaging 3-5 people every day. It was worth it and I’m incredibly grateful for the wisdom that she taught me.

I came to London in June, God granted me with a job and a good room within 1 month.

For a month, I was living at my friend’s apartment, sometimes took care of her daughter because she’s a single mom. On the 24th of June, she had a brutal accident, nothing too bad happened to her but the car was hit from the back, where the child seat was, and on that day she asked me to pick up her daughter from the school…if I didn’t, it’s not sure that her daughter would survive that accident.

So, yes, my mad will to come back to the UK, saved a girl’s life.

Then I decided to get a dog, which was also an impossible case and another reason to freak my Mom out, big time.

Then workplace harassment, which almost made me not want to look at men anymore.

But that only lasted for a few weeks, then I realized that it was because of that…so at the moment, I’m absolutely fine. I like dark, tall, and handsome. Funny, crazy, brutally honest weirdos.

Being fit is a must because I want to stay fit for the rest of my life.

BTW, when I first saw Jason in Baywatch in 2010-11, I don’t even remember, I was like: I have never seen someone being as handsome as my brother. But he is too beautiful to have a cool personality.

It turns out I was wrong, it seems like he is the most awesome guy, ever…

I rarely watched TV, only at my Grandma’s when we went to visit her every second Sunday.

Our TV was broken in 2003, haven’t bought any since then….and who needs TV, when you have the internet?

The only thing that convinced me that TVs can be cool is when I saw a nature documentary on a HUGE TV recently. It blew my mind.

So, I made sure to watch Baywatch when I went to my Grandma’s…also made sure to watch Stargate because he looked so HOT with dreadlocks…

Khm…let’s not wander too much…

I am talking about change…

Thanks to God, I was finally able to got my puppy here, which is a dream come true to me…and I could never dream of having a blue frenchie at the beginning of 2019 for sure…also I couldn’t imagine myself living in London.

When I was an au pair near to Cambridge at the beginning of 2018, I came to London and bought a few stuff at the souvenir shop and thought to myself: I would never be able to live in London, it seems so impossible…

Well, almost 1 year later I moved to London…

You know, it’s easy to forget that the things that you have now are the things you’ve been praying for and dreaming about for years…

What I want to say is, happiness comes with risks…every step to the next level requires sacrifices.

I had a good job, I have been there for 7 months.

It was good…but the truth is, the enemy of the BEST is not bad…it’s good…

Because good is comfortable. I had money but I started to get incredibly unhappy.

I’m a super creative person…and I know that I have to change…because I want something better.

At the moment, I quit my job without having any safety net or a good emergency found or whatever.

People have a tendency to mix up comfort with happiness…they choose comfort…comfort can be a side effect of happiness but it won’t make anyone happy.

I want to chase happiness. Throughout of my life, one thing I’ve learned, God will always provide.

Now, I need that. Another test how God can solve any situation.

Even if I’m a bit stressed about my future because I don’t know what’s ahead, I’ll be fine.

I think one thing that life is about is testing love and learning to trust that you are loved and care for in every moment.

I am not my past. I’m not the girl I was 1 year ago. I’m stronger, faster, wiser, feeling younger, having more trust.

People are so afraid of failure. The truth is failure is a lesson, it can be freaking funny later, and conquering it will make you stronger than ever.

To be honest, even though this job was good, it made me forget who I really was. I’m madness, I’m a lover of adventure, I’m an entertainer, I’m different. It slowly made me forget about my mission…but no more…I’m back, Baby!

I wanna be the crazy Lilla again. I consciously or unconsciously tried to suppress my crazy side for too long. What I want at the moment…fire, fire in the things I do, fire in my relationships, fire everywhere.

The conclusion, CHANGE is GOOD.. It’s for you, if you embrace change, life will only get better.

You deserve love, the love and respect you long for, fulfillment, fun, happiness, health, everything that worth the effort and time to invest in.

But this sometimes require sacrificing the old things that are no longer serving you.

Anything that makes you unhappy and feel unfulfilled on a long run, it’s better to let them go.

This is definitely my experience.

Have a nice day! <3